If not now, when? My international exchange adventure: An interim report
Carola Brand is an Erasmus + exchange student at Corpus Christi from the University of Regensburg, Germany. Here she writes about seizing opportunities, and coming to Cambridge in a pandemic as a first-generation higher education student.
I wanted to come to Cambridge to study law in an environment of the highest international levels of academic excellence. Besides its world class-reputation, the renowned supervision system was one of the main motivations for me to apply for the offered Erasmus exchange. Ever since I was told my application had been successful, I felt a mixture of excitement and intimidation. I was full of anticipation but at the same time I questioned my own academic ability. Being an international student during a global pandemic, whilst the Brexit transition period came to an end, certainly comes with its own unique up and downs. Charlton Ogburn Jr. once wrote:
“Circumstances are seldom right. You never have the capacities, the strength, the wisdom, the virtue you ought to have. You must always do with less than you need in a situation vastly different from what you would have chosen.”
In this spirit (also knowing there simply is no alternative reality with fewer restrictions available) I committed myself to making the best out of my time here in Cambridge.
Without in person teaching and most of the prominent events that are usually part of someone’s experience here, I probably have met less people that I would have done otherwise. However, I was therefore able to dedicate more time and energy into developing relationships with the people I have met; all of them both exceptionally interesting and inspiring. Becoming part of a small, tight-knit college community, like the one I experience at Corpus Christi, has helped me to encounter others and to remain sanguine. As a college member I feel welcomed, well supported and appreciated. Limited options to balance out the intense workload, resulting inter alia in a shortened attention span, made it necessary to re-structure my work as well as my self-care routines. Even though I do not always manage to stick to these, I enjoy the structure and orientation they offer nonetheless. I valued certain routines even more during the intense weeks of self-isolation I weathered. For me, it has proven to be very beneficial, both physically and mentally, to maintain or intensify contact with new and old friends and family, to work out, go on walks through this beautiful town and its picturesque meadows, read and write poetry as well as to bake obscene amounts of banana bread.
It is with great relief I can moreover state: I truly enjoy all my courses. My professors’ and supervisors’ passion for their subjects and compassion for their students is remarkable. All of them have been very accessible and encouraging. Furthermore, the academic dedication of my fellow students made it easier to push and discipline myself to work more efficiently. Still, there is no need for illusions: Hitherto, no matter how hard I tried, I could not complete one single paper’s reading list and therefore often felt like I should have done more. On other days, I found it particularly hard to start getting things done. A little more than halfway through Michaelmas term, I found myself being caught up in questions like: Am I capable of keeping pace within this academically high-demanding environment? Am I intelligent enough, or have I been in fact just lucky to obtain above average grades in my studies so far? Do I even deserve to be here? It was during my time in Cambridge I learnt that these irrational thoughts are not uncommon amongst students here and can be assigned to a phenomenon called “imposter syndrome”. It was weirdly relieving to find out that I am not alone, as others have similar trains of thoughts too.
There are still moments in which I almost want to pinch myself to make sure that my acceptance and time at Cambridge is real. Coming from a non-academic background, I would have not even allowed myself to dream about attending such a prestigious institution. Despite their lack of academic experience, my parents highly value education and therefore support me wherever they can regarding my law studies. Moreover, they have always encouraged me and my younger sister (who now studies medicine) to be curious and to give everything our best shot — no matter what. As I was even the first in my family to complete my Abitur, the German A-Level equivalent, going to University has certainly not been the path of least resistance but undoubtedly one of adventure. Besides to my parents and sister I owe particular gratitude to my supervisors, international lawyer Gregory J Thwaite and Professor Dr. Martin Löhnig, for whom I both previously worked. All of them are valued sources of advice and furthermore consistently show unshakeable trust in me. They motivate and help me to allow myself to dream, and to work on my self-confidence regarding my academic abilities. A change in the latter is easier said than done but: If not now, when?
Despite the extrinsic and intrinsic challenges, my study-exchange in Cambridge so far has already proven to be the enriching experience I hoped for. After not being able to travel back home for Christmas, I especially cannot wait to one day be reunited with friends and family, preferably in Cambridge. Until the circumstances allow to do so safely, I will try to keep up an optimistic spirit. In order to focus on what life is still offering, rather than what it might be lacking, I ask myself everyday: Who or what am I grateful for today? I can say, there is a lot. There is good reason to hope as the governmental restrictions and the carrying out of the vaccination will eventually show effect and lead to a more carefree future; one with fewer limitations in the different spheres of life. Fingers crossed this happens sooner rather than later. During Lent and Easter Term, regardless of what might change (or not), I will continue to explore my subject in this wonderful place, that allows me to gain both academic and personal growth despite these peculiar times. If not here, where?
